Jz msn wi teng, thru the conversation, finally, i found the reason y i dun like or even dun wanna to work in spore liao!!!! ohh my....i finally realized that is bcoz i dun wanna to stay at home!!! I like to live by my our. This is wat we so called "freedom" or "I need personal space" gua. Sad to admit, yet honestly, this is the truth!! 经过他这么一说, 我顿时恍然觉醒!!!发现了我的掠根性...
在加拿大留学的这两年半里, 我学会了习惯...习惯了自由...习惯了不被束缚...习惯了当影子...习惯了没有开口说出的关心...习惯了被忽视...习惯了默默付出...习惯了独立...习惯了太多太多...现在的我, 刹时间..适应的好辛苦, 好辛苦...常觉得自己好不孝!!! 爸爸的迟来的关爱, 让我觉得透不过气.
其实都是自己让我自己陷入tat stressful situation! As parents, they definitely will want us to stay at home due to the safety reason. So, whenever me and my sis feel like wanna go out, he'll either say "dun go la, late liao" or "i fetch u guys". Neither of the answer is wat we want!! Hence, due to dun let him feel upset for we didnt be his "good" daughters, then we choose not to argue with him and give up our plan!!!有时真的觉得自己好讨厌, 好没坚持喔!!! 没办法, 心太软了, 成不了大器 :l
Mayb is bcoz i know my weakness, so tat is the reason y i cant persuade myself to work in spore. I know i'll never say "No" to him or do anything tat he doesnt like it, so the only way to make myself feel better is stay far away fr my house...Sound so selfish yet no deal!!! I cant be his idea "good and obey" daughter as he wish!!! No matter what i did, where i go, who my frens are...he forever got comment!!! I'm too tired of it....no matter how hard i try to b ur good daughter, u'll never be satisfied. Everytime see ur disappointed face...i feel bad...i feel guilty...i feel frustrated!!! So ended up, he doesnt feel happy yet me too cant enjoy my life. So, since like tat, i learn to be 眼不见为净, if i didnt see his disppointed face, then i wont feel bad of myself. Haha..sounds silly stupid, but til right now, tat is the better way for me to handle it.
因为我不想过着为了讨好你而我又必须做着一些我事与愿违的事, 所以我选择逃离. 我的生活不是为了你而活, 我的开心快乐不想被你控制, 我长大了,需要自己去尝试不同的生活味道....感谢你因害怕我跌到而不愿放开手的捉着我...但我已不再是那24年前刚呱呱落地,无力的婴儿了...我知道你长因觉得遗憾for cant be wi us while we were young...yet u got to realize...wat passed already passed. We got to look forward to make the happy future yet not to use the way how u treat a baby...it doesnt make sense for us!!!
Hopefully i wont use tis avoidence behaviour for too long, i still got to realise the problem will still be there even though i could work far away!!! Luv u guys so much really, sorry for i do not know on how to express my luv to u guys. Well, i'm learning to do so...hard yet challenging, but i know i'll make it on someday :D
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