Today, haaa.. as usual, i was awakened by the dog's bark!!! argh...really feel very tired fr both physically and mentally. Still cant get the quality sleep at home. Well, i think i got to learn to 认命吧. Just feel pity for my dear dogs, always simply get beaten by my granny .
I wonder y she always wants to beat the dogs!!! Y cant she just let it be?? i did know the fact that she doesn't likes the dogs and the dogs are really smelly bcoz of its skin diseases!!!
But the matter of fact is, the dogs are just sit still at its' own place, it doesn't simply go to hanging around in front of you purposely to try to annoy u!!! The dogs too are always sit aside u, since they know u dun like as well; yet, u r the one who always wanna to beat them whenever u see them.
Ohhhh please...i get enough of it!!! Whenever the dogs bark, it makes me feel terrify, i scare the dogs will bite my granny, i scare the dogs' bark will annoy my papa, coz he loves his two dears "daughters". If my papa get annoyed, haa....he'll just simply channel out his anger toward my mom or my sis (ohhh dear....they r the most innocent scapegoat in my house).
I really don't understand or may be is the fact that i do not want to understand gua!!! Get sick of it liao, no matter how many times we said to her, she'll do it again whenever she sees the dogs!!!
My younger sis said maybe this is her way to channel out her feeling as well, coz at home, there is no one to talk to her. So, she feels lonely too. When she talks to people, the people doesn't gives her any respone. However, when she "talks" to the dogs; in the sense she beats the dogs, the dogs will give her respone by barking to her.
Haha...wat a funny way that my sis said so. But, it let me have a deep thought about it. Yes, i got to admit, i did neglect her liao!!! Everyone got their own things to do and has their own problems to solve on everyday. Well, or may be i'm too selfish to accompany her??? haaa...i know my answer is the second one.
i only want people to care about me while i forget or even can be said LAZY to care about others.... Argh...how shameless am i!!!! Well, granny, wat can i say right now is only tones of sorry!!!! i know i did hurt u by the way i act, and makes u worry about my future.
Some times i choose to be silent is bcoz i myself dun even know wat shloud i do on next step; therefore, i really cant share wi u about my opinion. Is not that i dun wanna to share my problems with u guys, coz i scare that will be a burden for u guys. I know i shouldn't have those kind of thoughts. But, that's very normal for everyone to think so when they are facing with the problems. They just simply dun wanna to be burden of someone else.
So, most of the time, i choose to be quiet, be an autism kid. Well, i think that is the best for wat i can do right now to preserve the relationship among the family ever since i was came back fr canada.
I know i did change a lot. But, right now, wat am i very sure about it, is that i have to solve my own problem 1st!!! If i couldn't solve my own problem asap, i'm the one who will make u guys more worrier about me!!!
Please allow me some times to live like a shit.... and thru this process, i try my very best to pull myself together even though there's not a big and salient improvement that u guys can be even noticed. Well, in deep down, i did struggle for it....coz i'm using a lot lot of time to get adapt with it liao!!!
I'm too slow liao. Thus, i apologize for makes u guys worry and heartbreaking. Please forgive my selfishness for i cant always be there for everyone, i need a break; hence, i choose to be selfish for not wanting to try to put myself in my granny's shoes.
Haih...really no eye to see. And jz to say, granny, i'm so sorry for my cold blood toward u, coz i really dun want to take more burden upon myself liao!!! coz ur dearest grandaughter me is a person who doesn't know how to solve her own problems' useless person. Once confront with the problems, i choose to be a coward, i choose to be an ostrich....
But, i know that wat i need is just some time for me to think about it. Once get it thru, i'll be fine, dun worry :) Everyone needs some time to realize and thus solve their problem.
Well, me too not excluded. Yet, jz i need more times fr others in order to realize the problems and need extra time to go thru with it only. haha...suddenly think of 1 nick... dear ah, u can call me "乌龟萍". Always 反应迟钝,慢半拍!!!! :D
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